"Our Inner Winner"

“With you kid I got a reason to go on and I’m gonna stay alive and I will watch you make good and I’m never leaving you.”

Mickey’s word’s to Rocky. That inspirational moment that makes movie’s magical and makes our hearts melt.

It was undeniable love between a boxer and his trainer…a man and his best friend.

I watched this movie with wide eyes and every emotion in my soul was stirred. I had the eye of the tiger. Something about this movie scene made me believe in myself. It made us all believe in ourselves.

Mickey always believed in Rocky.

Who believes in you?

When Denzel Washington played Coach Boone in “Remember the Titans” and he brought his racially segregated team to the scene where the Battle of Gettysburg took place and gave his speech, you listened.

“You listen and you take a lesson from the dead. If we don’t come together right now on this hollow ground we too will be destroyed just like they were. I don’t care if you like each other right now but you will respect each other and maybe, I don’t know, maybe will learn to play this game like men.”Bringing American history and one of America’s favorite pastimes together gave this scene monumental power. It made you realize that life too is a game and we are all brothers and sisters.

Who’s on your team? Who has your back?

Remember when Rudy got his speech from the janitor, Fortune? The kid was ready to give up until he found out Fortune played for the team. He wanted to quit because it’s easier to fail than it is to win sometimes.

“In this lifetime you don’t have to prove nothing to nobody except yourself and after what you’ve been through if you haven’t done that by now it ain’t gonna never happen!”

Amen, Fortune.

Are you a quitter?

So many movie moments come to my mind when times are tough and I want to throw in the towel. My emotions rise and fall with every good film ever made. The emotional roller coaster is what makes them great. Every movie that ever moved you deep within had an immeasurable message. There’s a moral to every story.

I often wonder what drives our inner winner to succeed. What happens when you fight till the bitter end and never give up on yourself?

You challenge not only your body and mind, but your soul too. You also challenge people around you. You become the idol, the mentor, the coach, the athlete, and the leader. You become the winner. You become the person you were meant to be.

My favorite speech. It inspires me and makes me want to change the world by changing myself first.

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn’t serve the world. There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We are born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us, it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

Nelson Mandela eloquently spoke the above words. Marianne Williamson wrote them. We should all live by them.

I truly believe we all have a light that must shine and sometimes we fear the unknown. We fear that we will become the best we can be. And, that is what raises our conscience awareness and stops us from forging ahead. We scare ourselves. Greatness is out there for each and every person. Everyone’s greatness is not the same. Not everyone desires the same things.

Our goals can be large, small, personal, professional, life changing and even earth changing.

What moves you will move others if you are passionate about it. If you do what you love, you are already winning.

Push yourself to the limits. Dig deep. Move mountains. Fight harder. Dream bigger. Do more. And, most importantly, get out of your OWN way.

We all have an inner winner within us. We were not born to fail. We were brought here to stand up and be seen, heard, and remembered.

You believe in yourself when nobody else does.

You watch your own back when your team doesn’t support you.

You never quit.

Find the fighter in you. Your heart and sheer determination will empower others.

Find the coach in you. You will be remembered for your wisdom.

Find the leader in you. Your footsteps will pave the way and inspire humankind for a lifetime.

Make that movie moment come to life. Be, live, and die with a purpose.

Make it powerful. Make it passionate. Make it personal.

When your inner being finds it’s way in this world you will finally become the winner you were born to be.

“All is Not Fair in Love and Whore”

Life is not easy. Love is even harder. When we are single we want commitment and when we are committed we want our freedom. Are we ever happy?

I’ve done some deep thinking about sex, love, and intimacy. All of which are related but the three don’t always find their way into the two that should share these. Unite and become one for a long time or unite and become one for a moment. It’s your choice.

Never mistake sex with love or expect love to follow sex. You could be the most intelligent, emotionally sound, and confident person on the planet and still make one of the prior assumptions.

If you are reading this, sitting back and thinking you have beat the odds and used someone a time or two for a feel good fast one…think again. He or she probably used you too and you both aren’t any further ahead then you were before you rolled around in the hay, on the floor, or between the sheets.

Let us use one of my all time favorite shows as an example, “Sex and the City.” All of the characters are single well into their thirties as most women of this generation. The show portrays some true to life stories that you know you and your girls can relate to from time to time. That of course is why it’s so successful.

The character, Samantha is beautiful, successful, independent, funny, and sexual. Well, who am I kidding or NOT kidding. If you watch the show it’s safe to say she’s whoring it up all over New York City. She’s exploding with testosterone in a fabulous, female body.

Maybe her character is how some women really choose to live their lives and that is perfectly fine. I’m not suggesting you should pack it up move to the convent and abstain from sex. Everyone has the right to be sexual and free with their actions but if you keep hurting yourself over and over somewhere inside something’s not right and you are doing it for all the wrong reasons. If the feel good act is not making you feel good than it’s not good for you.

Thou shall not let television fantasy confuse our values and become our moral leaders. Ladies, you and I both know you can’t give your love away for free, or anything else you want to give away. I see people throwing it away, laying it away, tossing it away, and finally, they just lose their way.

You can’t keep bed hopping around and thinking you are going to be able to respect yourself or have a potential partner respect you either. It’s 2010 and women have more freedom and rights now than ever before, but if you are looking for love and losing yourself in sexual encounters along the way then you will never find what you truly need. The fact: some things never change.

The argument that men do it to isn’t going to hold water or hold your head up when you are doing the walk of shame. You don’t typically see men crying over being used for sex, having a one night stand, complaining that all a woman wants is his body, or being upset that you are sleeping with him and someone else when you both know you aren’t committed.

If you know these men, I have yet to meet them. Men and women are different creatures. You know it and if we were the same it just wouldn’t work the way it does.

When it comes to being single I think it’s safe to say most men will always want sex and most women search for love. Women may not fall in love with every man they sleep with but I would make a bet they are hoping it turns into love or something serious.

The truth is that we all get burned and we all get played somewhere along the way. Pleasure is a treasure and we all want it. I’m just saying that we can’t whore it around and think that love will be found.

When you are truly in love with each other you will know it. You will do anything for each other and nothing will keep you from one another. Men are hunters and women are their prey. If you want to get caught just run away.

It really is that simple. It’s tried and true and sometimes it’s even easier than that. Sometimes you just meet and it works. No running required, no chasing the challenge.

If love is what you are looking for…stop looking. If sex is all you desire then find someone that starts your fire.

Just don’t pretend not to care when you know you do. All is fair in love and war but all is not fair in love and whore. Know the difference so you can save your self respect, your intimacy, your reputation, and maybe even save your life.


WARNING: This article was not written by a saint or a supreme being. It’s not intended to appear judgmental, or condescending. It was written with careful observation, caring, and love.

God's Test

I believe in God and everything around me, even the things that I cannot see or touch. I believe in life’s greater powers and I know that they are out there. Somewhere along this journey called, “Life” we become jaded and we develop tunnel vision.

Miracles are made, signs are there, and God may even test us every now and then. We have to keep an open mind and never ignore that inner feeling that is so strong it makes you do things out of character from time to time.

I was driving through a very underprivileged area not so long ago and a man was sitting there begging for money. I have witnessed this scene many times. I’ve seen it on city streets so often I’ve become immune to the noise of the homeless, desolate, and mentally depressed and their cries for help.

But, on this one day I was simply driving past a man and as I waited in my car at a red light I felt a chill through my bones. The man looked beat down and worn out from head to toe. He was a disheveled mess and sat with his head in his hands. In an instance I felt pity and in a minute my mind drifted to the minute of his life that quite possibly changed him and lead him to a life on the streets.

I wondered if he was a war veteran, a child of abuse, a drug addict, a mentally ill soul locked up within himself, or if he was God. Could he be God walking around in this man’s body testing mankind to see what we would do to help?

If we are all sisters and brothers why do we walk away, shrug off the victims, say, “no,” sneer at their moaning, and look right through these human beings as if they are not even there. Why do we judge and what right do we have?

I myself have wondered and commented to my friends on how they should get a job. McDonald’s is always hiring. They should make an honest living. Why don’t they get help? But, why should I ask why and why do I have the right to assume what they have gone through? I don’t. You don’t. None of us will know unless we walk a mile in their shoes.


Through the years I have offered food and sometimes even money. I could never turn away a hungry person. When I dine out in the city I always get my leftovers boxed. Many times I have given it to a random person asking for food. Many nights I have placed it on the top of the trash can or next to it so that someone doesn’t have to rummage through the trash to find their dinner for the night.

I have been in my family’s company when a man asks for something to eat and he has no money to pay. We never say no at our family food business. If you’re starving the hunger is in your eyes. There is no denying it.

Many people have come in and out of our business looking for a few bucks and my father or my uncle always dig deep in their pockets and offer up what they can for the poor souls that need it.

They have been known to give out a food, drinks, money, advice, and even cigarettes. And, if you asked I would bet my life they would give you the shirt off their backs too. That’s just the way they are and I’m glad they’re my family. I learned a lot about compassion over the years because of their kind hearts.

I asked, “Dad, why would you give that man cigarettes? You know they are bad for him?” His answer: “If that’s all he has in life that he really enjoys, let him enjoy it.”

That simple answer resonates with me until this day. It may not be the Surgeon General’s recommendation, but my father seems to think this man deserves to do what he wants to do and if he can help, he will.

I say, “You’re a good man, dad.”

I also say he has passed God’s test. He never judges and he takes care of the less fortunate whenever he can.

I know that a dollar may not make a difference, a soda, soft pretzel, or bag of chips from the street vendor will only satisfy the hunger for a little while. But, a smile, eye contact, and acknowledgement will satisfy their soul for a long while.

That homeless person could have been a millionaire on Wall Street, the mother of a murdered child, a mentally ill man that was given up on, a Viet Nam veteran that never really came home from war, an orphan that never knew his parent’s and never had a family, a person without anywhere to turn for help. It could be God undercover. It could be an angel on earth. It could be you if your life changed in a minute.

I ask myself what Jesus would do. But, I already know because there is a higher power in all of us. We are the greater power and we should use our strength to help everyone.

Act first when it comes to compassion, and if you must, judge later.

It takes a second to help one person and if we all did our part every man, woman, and child would have a little more hope in their hearts and we would all pass God’s test.

And, if you believe in God, then you know we could never fail his test. He forgives us of our sins. But, if you do nothing you will fail yourself and your conscience will always be there to judge you like you have done to others.

"Up the House"

When I was a little kid there was a place that I really liked to visit on the weekends- my grandparents. Or, as my family and I called it, “Up the House.” Mommom and Poppop lived in Elverson. It was just minutes from Reading, Pennsylvania. Their names are Nick and Josephine.

There was something about their house that was really special to me. It was a rancher style home with a reddish color deck and a huge pond outback. It was the country for my brother and me. We had a blast up there. The house sat along side a busy road, not a residential road. You could hear the cars whizzing by, but it was still congestion free and open land everywhere. We could see farms as far as the eye could see.

My poppop, Nick was a burly, strong man. He was so strong that one time he stopped a running bull on Kerlin Street in Chester, Pennsylvania. The circus was in town and the bull got loose until Nick got his hands on the horns and tackled him down to the ground, hence, his nickname, “Nicky the Bull.”

My Poppop would eat anything. And, I mean anything. Raw sausages, sardines, sour tasting fruit, and lots of pasta and meat. He grew up during the depression and nothing went to waste.

Our family hoagie shops were started by Nick and Josie. There I learned so much. I learned how to deal with all walks of life and to earn an honest dollar. It was my family and this will become our legacy in this small town.

I was very fond of my grandparents. I loved when it came time to visit them. My Poppop would come with his big truck that he affectionately named, Betsy. He and my Mommom would pick us up on a Friday evening for the long weekend. Our favorite place to sit was in the truck bed because Poppop always had the cabin on it and he would leave the window between us open to chat. My brother and I would take turns popping our head in between our grandparent’s seats to talk.

First stop, greasy McDonald’s. Grandparents are always good for giving you what your parents won’t. We ate on the way because it was an hour long drive that seemed like forever for me and my brother.

When we pulled in the long driveway we would get slightly giddy. We knew we would be spoiled all weekend long. I would wake up to my bacon and tomato sandwiches made with love by Mommom. After my cholesterol breakfast it was time for Saturday morning cartoons.

The thing that made Saturday morning cartoons so much fun was seeing which one of us got to my Poppop’s big brown, recliner first. It was his seat in the house. He wore it out with all his naps and it was so big and comfortable. There was just something about that chair that we all loved. Me, my brother, my cousins and everyone else always wanted to sit in Nick’s chair.

By the afternoon, my brother and I were down by the pond. We really enjoyed fishing. My Poppop would be out by his garden and I would always walk over to help him pick his tomatoes, cucumbers, and corn. A little girl could only fish so long. I loved helping when I was “Up the House.”

After the garden, Poppop would make his way into his wine cellar. Homemade "Diego Red" is what us Italians called it. It was the strongest wine you ever tasted…I promise. One sip would put you on your butt! He always let us try a little. I never did take a liking to it. Sorry, Nick.

Mommom and I loved to play bingo with her sisters. I was the little girl with all the old ladies yelling out “Bingo” for all the winners. I never really liked the prizes. A kid can’t really get excited over a turkey, ham, or crock-pot. Now, the places that paid money…I could totally get into. A kid has to have a stash to pay for Barbie’s and dolls.

One of my favorite places in Reading was Farmer Brown’s. It was a grocery store with a Wagon Wheel in the front and they had games for kids in the front like most grocery stores did. They had a little gift shop too. I still have the two hugging koala bears that Mommom bought me one time. I loved that stuffed animal. It will forever remind me my childhood.

On occasion we would go see my grandparent’s siblings. Carl Furillo was my grandfather’s brother and we would go visit him. He was a major league baseball player for the Brooklyn Dodgers. He was on the 1955 World Series team. We have baseball in our blood. My grandfather taught him how to play the game. Nick played in the minor leagues until he had to leave for World War II.

Every time I watch “Field of Dreams” I think of my family. It’s just one of those feelings that I get made by memories we’ve made.

One time Carl and his family were cutting corn off the cob and freezing it. I thought this was really interesting. I guess as a child I was really amazed by this. It’s the simple things in life. My brother and I often laugh at my excitement over this.

We would head up to Mommom’s sister’s house a lot. It was there that I would walk around this very old home and look at all the handmade quilts, antique furniture, old family pictures, and get lost in time. I always had a very good imagination. Maybe it’s where I get my affinity for antiques today.

When you are a kid, you’re the apple of everyone’s eyes. You can’t do anything wrong and you get spoiled by all of them. If you take the time to listen to what your elder’s are truly saying, you will definitely learn about life. I know I did.

Josephine had a collection of old scarves, they were little handmade handkerchiefs that I adored and used to love to go through. Nick had quite the hat collection in his spare bedroom. He kept them in the room we all slept in when we had our sleepovers. One by one we tried them all on and would pick one to where everyday.

Mommom gave me bubble baths and let me stay in the tub for a real long time. I loved it. She would run the hot water and put some Palmolive in it. Not so sure that was a good idea, but this was at least twenty-five years ago. And, well, the suds were bubbly. Better than the bubblegum junk other kids got to use. I still love the smell of Palmolive today. It’s the only dish soap I use and I only use it on dishes.

The town was small, the house was perfect, and the pond was enormous. The lessons I learned from an early age will never be forgotten.

Lots of lessons came from the pond. One year I pushed the neighbor in the muddy water with her new sneakers on because she was picking on me. She cried all the way home and I got in a little trouble, but nothing too bad. One time we tried ice skating on thin ice. Never a good idea. We must have had angels by our side that day. Nick almost killed us for that one. And, during a heat wave one summer in the eighties the shallow end dried up and we could actually run across the pond. That was really something to see.

I learned to play cards with Mommom. Every night we sat down with a deck and played for a while before bed. Everyday Poppop tried to get me to bite into a grapefruit. He seemed to enjoy it. I wasn’t fooled by that or the lemons he ate like candy.

One night in the dense thick fog my Poppop was craving pizza. He sent me and my Mommom out for it. We couldn’t even see six inches ahead of us. Since I was super bright I told her to turn around and let’s go home. We still laugh about that today. No pizza for Nick on that night.

You could always find Dentyne gum in the kitchen drawer. It was Poppop’s favorite and mine too. Lots of memories were made “Up the House.” Memories that will remain in my mind forever.

Nick’s garage always smelled like gasoline and oil. He was always fixing or making something. He was a working man. He was part of the generation of men that could do it all. I miss him all the time. He died when I was eleven, just eight days before my twelfth birthday. I wish he had been around a lot longer. He missed out on so much. He was only seventy years old. When I was little that seemed so old, but now I know it’s too young to say goodbye.

Josephine is eight-nine years old. She’s doing really well. After my Poppop passed she moved out of the house. It was so hard to say goodbye to the rancher with the reddish deck, long driveway, and huge pond outback.

It was so hard to say goodbye to the memories. It was one of the saddest days of my life. Easter egg hunts, Snowy Christmas days, and fireworks on the fourth, would now just be a memory of what used to be.

When I think about “Up the House” I think about my life. These two people were part of my creation. They’re my father’s parents and my blood line. They are part of what makes me who I am today.

I think Nick would be proud of how I turned out. I have guts, I’m not afraid to speak my mind, and I am independent. Maybe some of those qualities come from him.

Poppop, if you are listening, thanks for being you. I wish we had more time.

You can search far and wide to find yourself. You can look up, down, side by side, and all around. You can read books, listen to psychics, travel the world, and try new things.

But, to really find yourself sometimes you have to go back to the basics. You just need to look at your family. Sometimes you just have to go “Up the House” and you will remember who you are and where you came from.

And, if the house isn’t there or the people have moved on, you can still go there in your mind. Your memories will never leave you. I haven’t been to Elverson in years, but I promise I still go “Up the House.” That’s one place that I will never forget how to find and one place I will never lose my way…even if it’s only in my mind.