Life is not easy. Love is even harder. When we are single we want commitment and when we are committed we want our freedom. Are we ever happy?
I’ve done some deep thinking about sex, love, and intimacy. All of which are related but the three don’t always find their way into the two that should share these. Unite and become one for a long time or unite and become one for a moment. It’s your choice.
Never mistake sex with love or expect love to follow sex. You could be the most intelligent, emotionally sound, and confident person on the planet and still make one of the prior assumptions.
If you are reading this, sitting back and thinking you have beat the odds and used someone a time or two for a feel good fast one…think again. He or she probably used you too and you both aren’t any further ahead then you were before you rolled around in the hay, on the floor, or between the sheets.
Let us use one of my all time favorite shows as an example, “Sex and the City.” All of the characters are single well into their thirties as most women of this generation. The show portrays some true to life stories that you know you and your girls can relate to from time to time. That of course is why it’s so successful.
The character, Samantha is beautiful, successful, independent, funny, and sexual. Well, who am I kidding or NOT kidding. If you watch the show it’s safe to say she’s whoring it up all over New York City. She’s exploding with testosterone in a fabulous, female body.
Maybe her character is how some women really choose to live their lives and that is perfectly fine. I’m not suggesting you should pack it up move to the convent and abstain from sex. Everyone has the right to be sexual and free with their actions but if you keep hurting yourself over and over somewhere inside something’s not right and you are doing it for all the wrong reasons. If the feel good act is not making you feel good than it’s not good for you.
Thou shall not let television fantasy confuse our values and become our moral leaders. Ladies, you and I both know you can’t give your love away for free, or anything else you want to give away. I see people throwing it away, laying it away, tossing it away, and finally, they just lose their way.
You can’t keep bed hopping around and thinking you are going to be able to respect yourself or have a potential partner respect you either. It’s 2010 and women have more freedom and rights now than ever before, but if you are looking for love and losing yourself in sexual encounters along the way then you will never find what you truly need. The fact: some things never change.
The argument that men do it to isn’t going to hold water or hold your head up when you are doing the walk of shame. You don’t typically see men crying over being used for sex, having a one night stand, complaining that all a woman wants is his body, or being upset that you are sleeping with him and someone else when you both know you aren’t committed.
If you know these men, I have yet to meet them. Men and women are different creatures. You know it and if we were the same it just wouldn’t work the way it does.
When it comes to being single I think it’s safe to say most men will always want sex and most women search for love. Women may not fall in love with every man they sleep with but I would make a bet they are hoping it turns into love or something serious.
The truth is that we all get burned and we all get played somewhere along the way. Pleasure is a treasure and we all want it. I’m just saying that we can’t whore it around and think that love will be found.
When you are truly in love with each other you will know it. You will do anything for each other and nothing will keep you from one another. Men are hunters and women are their prey. If you want to get caught just run away.
It really is that simple. It’s tried and true and sometimes it’s even easier than that. Sometimes you just meet and it works. No running required, no chasing the challenge.
If love is what you are looking for…stop looking. If sex is all you desire then find someone that starts your fire.
Just don’t pretend not to care when you know you do. All is fair in love and war but all is not fair in love and whore. Know the difference so you can save your self respect, your intimacy, your reputation, and maybe even save your life.
WARNING: This article was not written by a saint or a supreme being. It’s not intended to appear judgmental, or condescending. It was written with careful observation, caring, and love.
