I started thinking about life without my family. I know it sounds depressing and nobody really wants to travel there mentally, ever, but I think about it a lot. Maybe I notice that everyone’s getting older and my father has a few less hairs on his head and wrinkles around his eyes. Maybe it’s because my mom doesn’t let the little things bother her anymore and she used to worry about everything. Now, she’s just too tired to care about the petty stuff. Finally she realizes the bad people are just that, bad.
My Nana and Poppop are both eighty-five and just a year ago Nana retired while Poppop still works. They say it keeps them young and hip. I look at them and wonder what they would do without each other. Nana’s four foot ten but feisty and she wears the pants. She is constantly nagging my Poppop about his eating habits and trying to help him keep his sugar in check. She nags because she cares. It’s like you get tired and you stop fighting over the little things and you realize that the person by your side really is your best friend. You realize that they want you around forever.
It’s easy in your younger years to take life and loved ones for granted. You expect that they will always be there. Everyone is young, strong, and healthy. You think you can always stand alone. Then one minute of one day something happens and you realize how much you need them. You realize that they are your right arm and as you get older they become the right half of your body. Your other half. You grow dependent and you realize that life is really short.
I visit my parents and my grandparents often. I sit back and listen to the little things that they bleep and moan about and smile inside and say to myself, “God love this family and these people.” They are my people. If for one second I ever wondered where I came from, I need not look any further. I can see myself in the eyes of all of them. I have become without a doubt each and every one of them.
So, I lay in bed at night and sometimes I cry and worry when I start thinking about how my life would be without them. I run over to Nana’s every time I need to talk and have something heartbreaking, or happy. When I have news, I run to Nana’s house. When I need my parents I go to their house, the home I grew up in that holds a million memories. As soon as I walk in the doors I feel safe. I feel my feet touch that piece of earth that is reserved for me. My parent’s room is my sacred place when I go home. It’s where I cried to my mom over first loves and first heartaches. It’s where I cried at the loss of loved ones and friends. Where we just sat and watched television or had our heart to hearts. At my grandparents it’s the kitchen. It all takes place at Nana’s small table. It’s the table where I have reached out my arms to hold her hands and cry to her, asking her to never leave me. All the while Poppop is in the living room in his chair near the door. He’s either sleeping or getting ready to head out for some friendly conversation with his buddies. Nana’s got her chair. She sits in it with her robe on and rollers in and has guided me through life from that seat. Can you picture this scene?
Life without this love would be so different. It would not be my life. I am so close to my family and they are my support. My love for them is immeasurable. My respect for them is immense. I’m going to hold these memories in my heart and make sure that I never let them fade out. I am going to embrace each moment because this is the time. These are the days. I may not always remember the colors so vividly from every scene, I may not get the words from each conversation exactly right, I may not even remember the dates, but I will always remember the moments. I will remember the advice, the hugs and kisses, the tears, the laughter, and most importantly, I will always remember the love.
So, when I start to think about life without my family and it makes me sad to my core and every ounce of me is sickened by the thought, I say a prayer that I remember to cherish the days and make time now. Now is all we have and now is when we must live.
